Heart pulsating with anxiety, paroxysm of adrenaline rushing through my bloodstream, beads of sweats rolling down my head. I walked to her table, still reciting my line from last night in my head, hoping this would work.

“Ermm… Bacon…”

She turned to me in response. Her complexion was magnificently radiated by the rays of the morning sun, I was dazzled by her. This feeling was not as prominently protruded as the previous one which occurred a year and a half ago.

She was different.

“Next Wednesday…” I was fumbling for words, “Would you like to go…”

This was the first time I asked a girl out after the year and a half.

“…a book fair at the Mines…?”

“Big Bad Wolf? Sure, why not?” She replied without a tinge of resentment in her tone.

The response bewildered me. “Thank God… I never thought it will go so smoothly.”  I muttered in my heart.

“I really wanted to go there though…” Bacon interjected my excitement.

“Yeah… That is why I asked you…” I was astonished by her statement, “because… you are the first one who popped up in my mind.”

“Great…” still no sign of awkwardness, “Time and how to get there?”

“Wait…” something reminded me that I need to ask another one out to ameliorate the chances of getting my plan to work. “Yu, wanna join us also?”

Yu looked at me with a grin in her face as if she had detected that I might have meager affections for Bacon.

“Sure, as long as Bacon is going then I won’t mind.”

“So… KTM Kepong at 9 a.m. sharp next Wednesday.” I paused, “Is it okay?”

They agreed in unison.

As I lay on my bed before the impending sleep takes over, intermittent flashes of fantasies crossed my mind, sweet dreams flooded the night with her answer which had made my day.

Having too many fantasies about a certain event would tantamount to a major let-down had been a curse to me.

Two days before the event,

“Sorry, Yang…” Yu apologized sincerely, “I can’t make it because of my St. John duties.”

What could I do? Nothing. If Yu do not go, would Bacon ask me to fly kite also?

“Never mind…” I hid my disappointment.

“Have a sweeet time with her…” Yu patted my shoulder, “Opportunity rarely knocks on doors.”

I replied her with a smile trying to bury my disheartenment.

I kept this a secret from Bacon.

“Lerr, I’m worried that Bacon will not join me…” I phoned Lerr to seek her consultation.

“No need to worry so much.”

“Why not worry?” I asked desperately, “Yu not going is a major problem.”

“Seriously Yang. Stop worrying. Bacon is not that kind of person.” Lerr affirmed.

“No… I don’t think so… She is still a girl though.” I doubted, “She will definitely reject me after knowing…”

“I told you, Bacon is not that kind of person who make empty promises.” Lerr interjected.

“Since you are a girl, how would you react?”


“Even you need to take time to think.”

“I won’t clinch the deal beforehand.”

“Its a big no then.”

“But…” Lerr sighed, “with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible, Matthew 19:26. Miracles happens Yang.”

My heart was still in discontentment.

“Hope for the best to happen.”

“Don’t think so much.”

Love is an enigmatically depicted emotion by humans in an assortment of forms which makes us unique compared to other species on Earth. The abundant emotions which could be experienced by humans also make us one of a kind. The slightest affection that I have for her prompted me to adroitly schemed this meeting to negate failure. However, humans could not see or even catch a glimpse into the future and thus unprecedented events taking place is inevitable.

“Yang. ” she whatsapped me the day before the event , “I can’t go with you…”

“Why?” The answer was at the back of my mind already.

“Yu is not going. My parents will kill me if they know I went out with you only.”

“Parents again…”

“They will assume I’m going on a date with you.”

“Just make something out…” I was containing my desperation.

“No. I don’t want to lie to my parents.”

“I respect your stand.”

I slammed my phone shut and loiter around my failure in my thoughts, slowly drifting into asleep.

My hardcore attitude of not giving up act as a catalyst for me to convince her once more.

“Hey I want to persuade you once more… I will wait till 9 a.m. at the KTM before I go and just make up something like Lee is going with us and the rest I will settle. Hope you will join.”

One text was insufficient, I sent another text.

“Reply me with your presence tomorrow… Everything will be fine and to be honest I really want to hang out with you though. Anyway, hope for a positive reply.”

That was stupid. It would just annoy her. I thought after I hit the send button. A pang of worry sets in, hindering my sleep.

After my breakfast, I swiped my phone opened, looking at her reply.

“Sorry. I can’t join you. Next time maybe. Be careful.”

P.S. End of May to 1st of June 2016

Published by zeckrombryan

Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

3 thoughts on “Pseudo-hope

  1. Loved this. Feels like a really authentic conversation and story. I especially like your opening paragraph; I could really feel what the narrator was feeling!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: