The world we lived in is enormous and hoards a colossal amount of wisdom, knowledge and enigmas which await us to discover and to efficaciously imply them to enhance our day-to-day life. If we surmise that the knowledge and the wisdom that we have is adequate, then we are prone to lay in the cushion of comfort and unwilling to harness more of them. Therefore, we must have the savvy that learning is ceaseless to negate ourselves from slacking off when learning in general.

Walking into the school casually, confidently, assuming that the impending Maths competition was a cinch. I greeted my friends who would be attending the school mini sports day, in turn they wished me luck for my competition.

Being overconfident, “No worries…”, not knowing what I was going to face, “I will help the school earn some fame!”

I waited for my friends who also participated in this competition. Where were they? Too scared to come? The imbecile, arrogant part of my mind certainly had governed my thoughts.

The competition ran like this, each participant needs to answer 30 multiple-choice question in 45 minutes. For each correctly answered questions, one mark would be given; each wrongly answered questions would be vice versa; no marks would be rewarded if the question was left unanswered. This set of rules and my overconfidence made my ego deluded my faculty of thought lock, stock and barrel.

As my friends who also took part in this competition arrived, our teacher advisor, Mr. Teh, hustled us up to get in his car because he did not want us to be late.

During the journey to the competition which was located at Sunway college, Mr. Teh gave us a pep talk and told us to gain some experience from this competition. Mel and Ham discussed about some Maths formulas, Lee was intensively recalling what he had learnt in school about Maths whereas I played my phone once I got in the car.

“Guys, we have reached.” Mr. Teh told us. We got off the car and proceed to the registration area. After all the standard operating procedures were done, we were placed in a lecture hall with the other participants and Mr. Teh told us that he would pick us up at the main entrance after the competition.

Two more hours… I chatted with Lee about random stuffs in school and how we felt about us missing our final sports day in our student’s life. The screen in front of the lecture hall was replaying the same promotional video made by the students of Sunway college which made the wait into absolute mundaneness.

“Guys! Please follow me to the examination hall!” one of their committee appointed us.

We followed his lead. Wow… Most of them is older than our group… We are definitely screwed,  I thought. A paroxysm of anxiety rushed through my bloodstream, starting to feel very minuscule when compared to the other participants.

I went to the toilet beforehand to discharge my anxiety into the toilet bowl but to no avail. Sitting down at my place, my hands were shivering from the cold and nervousness.

The organiser explained the rules and regulations again and announced to us to start. I did what I used to do which was to run through all the questions first before answering.

“Shit…”I muttered under my breath, What the hell? All about statistics and probability? These ARE my weakest part in Maths. I’m screwed. 

I uttered a silent prayer to assist my answering but the inferior feeling crept in me bit by bit and letting it slowly but painfully destroy me from the inside out. My brain was emptied out by the shock I sustained from the questions.

My hands were trembling from the lacking of knowledge in this field. I attempted to answer all the questions, but the time ticked off swiftly unknowingly. When I finished one question, three minutes had passed. What is happening? Why time is moving so fast? Shit, no time left.

Scrutinising the questions, scratching my head, brainstorming as hard as possible, scribbling down all the thoughts for the questions, one by one they were completed but time was faster than me.

The last few minutes counted down, I was still drenching my brain out the solve the questions but time was up, one third of it was blank.

Inferiority haunted me like a ghost of the past, Yang… you useless, good-for-nothing piece of trash! How can you face your friends, family and teachers? Do you think you ARE GOOD in Maths? See for yourself! The reality has been placed right in front of your very eyes! YOU ARE NOT A MATHS PRODIGY! 

“How was it…?”Lee asked in monotone.


“No worries, bro.” He chuckled and gave a pat at my back. “The paper is like hell that I haven’t experienced in years, I just did ten questions though…”


“Just learn from this…”

Then we gathered at the place which we were supposed to meet Mr. Teh, four of us talked about how difficult was the paper, I remained neutral because the inferiority was still untamed.

I felt terrible.


I was wrong about my capabilities all this time.

The ride back to school was permeated with awful thoughts that brought my self-esteem and my motivation down to the drain.

I never felt this shitty since that time (leave that to another time). The day was ruined wholly by this event.

I took out my phone and checked my whatsapp.

“Anyone wanna join to buy costume for the choir?” Lerr asked in the choir group.

“Lerr, can I join?” I whatsapped her individually.

What could make my day even worse? Go and have fun is better. Plus it’s a golden opportunity to spend time with her. You have slight feelings for her right…?

Why not?


Disclaimer: The that time is for another post. Stay ‘hope’-ful for the continuation.

P.S. : April 2016
Day when two polar opposite events occur at the same day.



Published by zeckrombryan

Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

6 thoughts on “Ego-maniac

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