Circumspect as I was, astute as I act, I was hiding in a malodorous, dingy berth where the enemy’s camp was set up.

A vestige of me might set them out, hunting me, a single vanguard in a fortified fortress of thousands.My heart was pounding against my chest, with bated breath, and lurching stomach, an err was made.

The clamour of sirens and the thumping of footsteps became discernible, my hope was crushed at the instant I was being found. The dun bunks were standing still, witnessing my last, valiant effort of keeping myself alive as I swung into action with my fully loaded rifle to no avail. I was defeated by the sheer number of soldiers that thronged into the small bunker.

I had performed my duties as told. I am a sacrifice for the country, the unsung hero that would never be cited in the memorial rallies, the nonentity that would be just a mere tool to the reigning government of my country.


Published by zeckrombryan

Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

3 thoughts on “Unremembered

  1. Don’t get this critique wrong, because you are a definitely a good writer, but this piece in particular looks like a thesaurus puked on it. There’s nothing wrong with having a defined vocabulary, I think you just need to be careful how you use it. Some of this flows really well (i.e. it really works great at the beginning) but then it does get a little clunky in places. Sometimes simplicity has a higher impact.

    1. Yea, it was intended, it is not thesaurus plucked in, I am exercising my vocab in flash fiction, and putting the real deal in my series. However, you have the point, I have the savvy upon this particular matter. Thanks.

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