It was massive, the crowd, the intensity of the atmosphere, the excitement, the feeling before the announcement of the SPM results.

One hour to go, I went to meet some of my friends, most of them commented about my hair, which was of a lion’s mane, that was how long my hair was.

Fifteen of them, some of them were people that I knew, some of them were unexpected, some of them were making their way up the flights of stairs to receive their achievement even before their names were announced, they got straight A’s, which is really good in Malaysian context.

However, my hopes and expectations were not high up, in fact that piece of result did not much affect my life, after I had a dip into the real world- the working reality. I missed two subjects, B pluses for my Malay and Chinese language. It was not capricious, it was foretold.

Congratulations, felicitations, gratitude, the good vibes were promulgated in the hall. I was standing, lining up to pick up my result, she was in my sight, taking her results, three of my friends stood in front of me, blocking me from seeing her results. After she had picked up the sheet of paper, she was filled with joy, it was a result which transcended her expectations and her hopes, she greeted the trio in front of me, as she passed by me. She paused a while beside me, a breadth of distance where seemed so close yet so far,”How’s your result?” I asked in my usual tone, mustered to not be awkward, but to sound exuberant.

A cold silence, in this high-spirited hall, greeted my sincere piece of moment, that I had re-ran in my mind a countless times, anticipating this glint of hope to appear. Nope, it did not. I was wrong. It was the headlights of a train, leaving the rutted hope of mine in an infinite abyss of not even worth a few heartbeats of her on replying me, to my rehearsed gesture of care, of…

I had pined for this moment for a few months, she gave me this response, how could I try to approach her?

P.S. 160317
SPM results, 3A+ 3A 2A- 2B+,
No biggie, it’s just a dust in time.
life sucks, it freaking hurts.