Bane of Existence

You good-for-nothing!

You are a disgrace to the family! I rather give birth to a char siew!

“why am I borned in an Asian family?” I cocooned myself in the corner of my room, I got a C for my Maths, and I got beleaguered by my parents as a disgrace. I scored flying colours for the other subjects, and they particularly picked my shortcoming, labelled me as such.

You know ah, our neighbour’s child, Ah Ming, got a better grade than you?

So, you tell me lah, how am I going to tell your relatives about your results, you are a disgrace to the family, my face sure bo liao lah at the rate you are going with your studies.

“why are my parents like that?” uttering in a shaky voice, bottling the inferiority in me where a pang of obscure anger was bred. Containing myself, I did not know how to fight back with their conversations, if I did so, the culminating effect would be even worse off. Silence was always the best riposte for their ludicrous, preposterous, outrageous comments for me.

You think you very young ah? You think the future very far ah? If I don’t push you to start now, how could you get into the finest universities? How could you be as good as Ah Kau, your cousin who is studying in one of the prestigious unis in Singapore?  

My parents voices were buzzing in my head that of a mad cow, “I am just 12, and you compare here and there, talking shit about me.” I was utterly demolished by their words, I did not feel like living anymore, my existence was nothing to them.

“enough is enough.” I took the nearest sharp item I could find, swiftly cut through my carotid artery, intending to end life as such. Bang! my conscience sank into darkness, but to wake up realising I am still at this realm of reality, I screamed and shouted.

I snapped. Everything that was known to me was gone. I went mental, disordering all my wires, to be non-existent, to be a bane of existence, to be a disgrace to the family in which I was labelled so often by my parents.

Craving for more? Down below:
My Big Hand And His Small Hand
Berpuasa, Fasting.
Rapists
Bully
Mismanagement

Bottle

Posted by

Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

7 thoughts on “Bane of Existence

  1. It’s so sad that those who are supposed to love us can be the most cruel. What is it about the wiring of humans that have us doing this? You would never see a mother bear shredding its young this way. I understand why parents want to make sure their offspring have a chance at success in the world, but this is not the way to go about it. When their own “li” is the foundation of their hurtfulness, it hurts twice as much.

  2. I’m so sorry you had to hear that, if that was in fact based on a true story. I can relate to being belittled and compared to others. Not by my parents, but by my maternal grandmother. She basically hated my sister, brother and I and only had criticism for us and even my mother and father. She once told me she wished a girl named “Meghan” was her grand daughter and not me. I remember being only 10 or 11 at the time and telling her I wished that was so, too.

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