You good-for-nothing!

You are a disgrace to the family! I rather give birth to a char siew!

“why am I borned in an Asian family?” I cocooned myself in the corner of my room, I got a C for my Maths, and I got beleaguered by my parents as a disgrace. I scored flying colours for the other subjects, and they particularly picked my shortcoming, labelled me as such.

You know ah, our neighbour’s child, Ah Ming, got a better grade than you?

So, you tell me lah, how am I going to tell your relatives about your results, you are a disgrace to the family, my face sure bo liao lah at the rate you are going with your studies.

“why are my parents like that?” uttering in a shaky voice, bottling the inferiority in me where a pang of obscure anger was bred. Containing myself, I did not know how to fight back with their conversations, if I did so, the culminating effect would be even worse off. Silence was always the best riposte for their ludicrous, preposterous, outrageous comments for me.

You think you very young ah? You think the future very far ah? If I don’t push you to start now, how could you get into the finest universities? How could you be as good as Ah Kau, your cousin who is studying in one of the prestigious unis in Singapore?  

My parents voices were buzzing in my head that of a mad cow, “I am just 12, and you compare here and there, talking shit about me.” I was utterly demolished by their words, I did not feel like living anymore, my existence was nothing to them.

“enough is enough.” I took the nearest sharp item I could find, swiftly cut through my carotid artery, intending to end life as such. Bang! my conscience sank into darkness, but to wake up realising I am still at this realm of reality, I screamed and shouted.

I snapped. Everything that was known to me was gone. I went mental, disordering all my wires, to be non-existent, to be a bane of existence, to be a disgrace to the family in which I was labelled so often by my parents.

Craving for more? Down below:
My Big Hand And His Small Hand
Berpuasa, Fasting.