“You still love her right?” five of us were sitting round the table, there was a duo singing at the stage while we were waiting for our food.
It is undeniable that I still have feelings for her, “Yes.” I answered nonchalantly, that of the answers I would give to anyone who asked me this question.
“Why don’t you let go? She is going to Korea soon to further her studies.” he asked, as a gesture of wake-up call for me to let go of reverie that I had been sunk into for a long time. “Perhaps she is going to be gone for four years or so…”
“Maybe she might even have a husband there. Haha.” I added into it knowing my standing grounds as a one-sided lover, having this peculiar feeling to her with she not knowing that I am waiting for her. “I know where I stand.”
The waitress served the foods unto our respective places, the somnolent glow of the night was still young, “How about the other girls that you have been out with? Don’t you have any feelings for them?” she questioned me.
It is useless to hide the facts, “No. They are just like bros, that’s what I think about people, gender equality, but for her, she is an exception. I… love… her. ” I stammered as if we were truly in love.
“What if she don’t love you back?”
“I know the risks…”
“What if you meet someone better than her?”
That question struck me for a second, “I would have to reconsider my choice.” It is common sense for humans to choose someone who is the most favourable to them to be partners for life. I thought.
“What are you going to do now? Just wait for something to happen?” they asked, because they were curious about how this would go.
My brain was about to set itself to an overdrive mode because the deluge of memories of her, and me, flooded my thoughts. “I gave myself three years. I am going to improve myself, make the best of this three years, then I would do my best to get her…”
“Wouldn’t it be difficult then? She would be a Korean stereotype, and you would be a typical Malaysian…”
“I would work things out from there.”
I have no freaking clue about the future, not even tomorrow. I would have to make the best out of every second that I have now. Time is not on my side, that’s the only fact that is prominent in my thoughts.
P.S. JUNE 2017
a random deep talk