The night was still young, churning with the dreaded silence that haunted me, I clutched the hem of the bed, crying, soddening the bed with my very tears of sadness, hollowness. My thoughts were as if nothing in life made any sense any more, even the fullest of everything made me feel empty from the inside out, I could never suppress the fiend beast, depression and stress, and the something which made me stop doing the things I loved.
Cocooned in my bed, I was still crying, sobbing. Nothing ever felt significant to me anymore, my parents, my friends, my loved ones, the threads which still held me together seemed to be waning into a state of non-existence, even when new opportunities that appeared in front of me, I felt empty, I could not, I forgotten how to feel excited for life any more.
I stopped, tears were still flowing down, streaming down my cheeks intermittently, I got out of my pathetic posture, the hollowness of life was suffocating me, I could not handle it any more, I just wanted everything to stop, now. Pillows were a hand’s length away from me, the object which could potentially be my end.
My thoughts, my heart, feeble, futile, broken, shattered, torn, emptied, hollowed, nothing. I felt like discarding my life away prematurely, I felt nothing in life was ever significant any more, the emptiness was choking me alive. My hands automatically grabbed the nearest pillow, my head voluntarily sank beneath it, hoping this would be the ending for all endings of life.
I could not breath, I thought I was dying, but something held me, the gossamer silver cord of life, the hope of life somehow sparked into my thoughts, showing me the beauty of the perfect imperfect life that we were leading, it was the flaws that made our lives authentic, simply exquisite.
Getting out of the fetus position, I had the hope, but not for long, the night after, and after, the dreaded emotions would hunt me down until they got me killed, they had all the time in my universe. I had to put a full stop to this. I needed to do something, find someone, pray for hope, and miracles, to rediscover the purpose of life.
Putting an end to the unending downfall of myself was impossibly possible, I washed myself, cleansed myself, nothing happened, I still felt hollow, empty from the inside out. This kept going on and on, and forever more, until the last day of my life. I did not want this to happen, I needed to get out of this circle of doom.
“Hey, can we hang out?” she smiled, my life fluttered into purpose once again, my passion for life was reignited, rekindled. Emptiness, hollowness, turned into fulfillment, a re-purposed life.