Leaving the aperture of lights, darkness greeted me with its wondrous embrace, I laid my bow down at the edge of the wall, leaning my back against the wall, with my heart at the cold slab of concrete. One step into the shadows of the past, one step closer to the impending closure of the dread, another step further away from the light that negated all the negativity that was insidious.
I finished performing, I was done, I needed to go home, yet I cocooned myself inside the stomach of darkness, waiting for some sort of miracle to save me, some kind of grace to rescue the wretched me. Replaying the scenes of my performance back and forth in my mind, it was pure indulgence and bliss, but as my steps paced themselves in the back stage, I was slowly engulfed by a vicious diabolical grip, restraining me from walking away from the stage.
Craving for more of the shine, I was reluctant to move back to reality, instead I wanted more of me to be shown to the audience. Fighting, wrestling, battling with the queer force in me, I made my stand, resisting to move even a single fibre of muscle, I remained in the curled-up shape of inferiority.
Needless to say, the inner force and me battled a long way, until everything shut down, leaving me alone, in the walkway back to the back stage, I laid prostrated, my bow and violin was still against the wall, as if everything of me came crumbling into rubble, but my instrument were intact, solid, firm.
A nerve kicked me in the leg, I stood up, holding my bow and violin, reached back out into the aperture once more. I want more! The inner force pushed me to do so, it caught me off-guard, my body succumbed to it prematurely, treading into the stage once again, just to perform in front of an empty audience, darkness, silence, and nothingness. I played till my heart content, letting the strings sang the sound in my heart, a hollowed melody, a late call, a cavity of loss.
As I put down my bow, scanning the seats, I noticed her, seating the at the very middle of the hall, as always. She was smiling, I let myself loose once more, showing the bright side of me, that I was late to show her. Mending the strings into a beautiful melody that was meant solely for her, she did not move, she was smiling, she was in tears. I stopped, lowering my bow, my sight, and she disappeared.