I do not know how to start this piece, and there I go, haphazardly, simply idiotic, letting someone on a pause. Stupid, I am purely, genuinely a coward. She knew some of my feelings for her, she gave me time, yet I squandered it utterly. I am a coward, a weakling, or any other words stronger than cowardice, a spineless wild duck.

She signaled me for a reply, I remained quiet, I was hit by a storm- her savvy, like a truck. I am too afraid to respond, I am even too scared to greet her whenever I saw her, I am… scared, a fucking coward. Maybe it was the times that I failed that affects what I am right now, but I feel that if I leave this untended, we will not even be friends, or even worse, we will have an awkward imprint, pock-mark in our memories about each other.

We are busy with studies, for sure. I want to know more of you, but my parents are the main deterrent- never a problem, just a senseless point. I am all in for it, but my fortitude is zero, slightly negative. Maybe this statement is a little horrendous, an overstatement, an assumption, but I needed to assert myself, let my feelings out in this pixalated screen through my words. I am willing to take the first step, but I could not. I just feel a little, very scared.

I should act normal, I should, I must, because I really do not wish that we will turn into strangers in the future, I hope that we will at least be friends, or more than friends, who knows? My natural response in this situation is to ghost you, to isolate you, but I feel so wrong, so inferior, so, weak.  

If you read this, maybe… we could talk it out after the major event laying in front of us in a few days time. I hope that… I’m such a coward. Everything is deteriorating by every moment, every heartbeat, it is me, I surmise, indeed. Some light will be welcomed.

P.S. OCT 2017
I screwed up once more…
I am such an idiot, a fucking coward…
I am so stupid, I chose to ignore rather than to approach…
I regret, I am a fucking spineless wild duck.


Craving for more? Down below:
Get To You
A Letter To Students In Schools
Same Taste
Talking to Myself
Pumpkin Head (Halloween Special)

Published by zeckrombryan

Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

15 thoughts on “Ghosting

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