This had occurred to me years ago, four maybe, it was being hit by something, an immeasurable force, a ‘kick’ straight up my ass, precisely surging me with the unstoppable urge to do something, to get off my laziness to learn, as if I had discovered the purpose of life, literally. I felt like, doing something, was as important as if my life really depended on it.
And it died down a year or two after, having myself succumbing to the twisted reality and the jaws of feelings in the process knitting some relationships that went off tangent, also dragging me into a realisation of what I used to do back then was not that important anymore. I toned down on boosting myself in every aspect for two years or more.
Dating to the present, I re-discovered the intrinsic value of myself, the grit to pursue more knowledge, to learn more, to do more, to experience more, not to lock myself up in the pixelated world of counterfeit colours of life, not to lose myself once again to the dread of heartbreak, rejection. I realised there is more than it meets the eye. There is more than just being rejected and being pushed down, I learned to stand up, to accept, to learn from my mistakes, to change, in order to become a better me.
Is it too late? Yes. A little. But, late is better than not present. I really want to make myself more capable in more aspects of life, I need to make myself, a better version. I need to get out of my comfort zone, that I was resting my laurels for a way too long time. Look at how much time I have wasted! I could never reclaim those precious time back, but I must make the best out of every single heartbeat starting from now.
Make every second count. Do what I can’t. Be unstoppable.
Three sentences, they mean a lot.
I still remember that I made a deal with Him, saying that I would trade in my human qualities in fostering relationship, building bonds, maintaining them with my Maths skills. Now, I want to make another deal with Him, saying that I want to be the best of what You made me of, I want to impact the world, I want to create a formula that would benefit man-kind. But first, I-want-tos aside, I must make use of every single second shed upon me, every minutiae of human words that are about to be dictated to me, every breath that I breathe.
Vincit qui patitur