Growing up in a typical Malaysian family is neither a great thing to praise about nor a bad thing to sully about, but as you can see from my blog, I rarely posted anything about my family, any good thing at least because it was just, to put it plainly, I do not really like my parents, my family in general.
By now, you readers with a normal family would be thinking, this guy is going to get hit by karma hard in the future and regret of not loving his family or cherishing his time with them. Yes, I totally understand what you meant, and I am prepared to embrace this backfire willingly. Why? I take my family as just, they exist simply for a simple reason, to make us who we are, is it? No, what I like now, and do now, they did not lead me into all these, I chose my path myself. This ungrateful being just forget how his parents feed him, raise him, without your family, you would just simply starve to death even after you are born. Your thoughts are not utterly wrong, but what I wanted to point out is the process of bringing up, the knowledge, the culture, the mindset, the parochial thinking that they had implanted into me throughout the years.
The most vital facet of life, learning to love, they had done teaching poorly in loving family members, and learning to really love other people. Let me talk about the family loving part first, it was cool and breezy at start, I had the love for them, but puberty hit me, my family got a little hectic, they did not know how to educate me to love them, or to affiliate most of my life to them. Even if I had relationship problems, or depression, I would rather hug my pillow and consult God rather than laying bare to my parents because I felt awkward and unwilling, it would be as if they had intrude my life. The fault was laid upon the mistake, the caring less part of my family during my adolescence, that was the main stigma which led me to not wanting to share the whole of my life now with my parents, even this blog, they did not know it exist. My parents assumed that they know me, but in fact, I am a greatly different person that I portrayed in front of their very eyes, that was what these years of mis-parenting led me to, having to hide, to not trust, to not be honest with most of my feelings with other people.
Learning to love, to have a relationship, those type of lovebirds, I reckon that it to be important to experience once in your high school years, because it would act as a good view to the future of having a loved one. However, my parents do not like this fact, they emphasized that if I really got into any kind of relationship, they would kick me out of the house, literally, and yes, I nearly got my ass whooped out of the house. It was 15, I almost got into a relationship with someone, but this issue was brought up to my parents by my siblings because of unwarranted circumstances. My parents were fucking furious when they heard about me falling in love with someone, they interrogated me as if I was a murderer. Just plainly falling in love with someone got me into hot soot, deep shit. I got lectured for few days straight in a row, luckily I managed to rectify this thing with my parents, and called it a close shave of getting my ass kicked out of the house. Apart from that, all of my attempts of falling in love with someone often end up in the pit of nadir, the abyss of nothingness and failures. I am really bad at relationships, fostering them in toto, just because of my parents discouraged me since I was young.
Another mindset that I really hate about my parents are the lack of boldness in their dreams, which is why our family is still at the upper bourgeoisie, never exceeding the affluent stage or even achieving their dreams of theirs. I do not even know what my parents wanted to become, I do not even hear about what my parents dreams were, are they dreamless? I bet so. Even if you say about their dreams got shattered by reality of being an adult, what wrong it would be to persist their dreams even after all these impediments called life? Why did they not even share what they were during their younger years with us? Even if they were disgraceful or just plainly normal, at least being honest would not hurt as much than flinging me into the oblivion. They do not like the fact that I want to become a Mathematician (they laughed at my dream, and called me farcical) / Writer (I have not divulge to them since they laughed at my first dream) to create a formula that would benefit the entirety of mankind (at this point of time, they laughed their asses off, and said, “Boy ah, stop dreaming, start living.”) I am really unhappy, they are discouraging me from doing what I love, it is not like I am doing drugs or killing people, I just want to discover a formula that benefit the mankind, what fault am I at? What is so laughable? At least I have a dream to chase, unlike them, having to chase the dark side of reality.
Nevertheless, they are my family, a supporting unit, financially only, for me. After I had garnered enough income, I would move out, find myself a place to live, be independent of these negativity, and build a better future for myself, create better-balanced children, not repeating their blunder at my watch.