“Hello? Is this Mr. John?” the voice has a very strong Indonesian dialect, slightly mutated into a robotic voice right after, “I am calling from the HSBC bank.” scammer, this is going to be entertaining.
“Yes.” I intercepted his introduction, “How can I help you?” Let him speak first. Then we could have some fun, I thought, his tone gave out his stand immediately.
“I want to tell you that your card is cut due to the overdue by 1000 dollars…” His recited it verbatim.
“But I just paid mister banker, I foot my bill just like yesterday.”
“But sir, the system states that your card…” he was losing patience with this conversation.
“No! I swear I paid it.” I exaggerated my tone. “Run through your system once more.”
“I ran the system twice before the call, I’m sure that your card is overdue by 2000 dollars.” he insisted.
What 1000 to 2000, we are going to have a fun chat here, “How can 1000 dollars be raised to 2000 dollars?”
“I just ran the system once more, it stated as such.” there was a twinge of frustration in his tone. “Sir, our system is perfectly functional, please bank in the money to the following bank account…”
“But mister banker, I’m really sure that I have cleared my credit card bills like yester…”
“Mr. John. I told you. I have run through the system sev…”
“How can you run the system properly if you are talking to me?”
Silence, a lull for a second, resumed with a sigh, “Okay, Mr. John, give me a minute, I will run through the system once more. Please do not hang up.”
“Do you want me to count down for you?” I laughed at myself internally, this is absurd if he agrees…
“If you want to…” his Indonesian slang was comical, from the start until now, I could imagine him shaking his head when he was talking.
“One… Two… Three…” I shouted into the phone, it was a mix of high-pitched voice and cacophony usually made by a three-year-old to annoy the parents.
Until the ten mark, he had enough, “Mr. John, I have finished checking your data, can I have the money banked in now?” he was losing his chill by the second, anyone would just hang up by this moment, but his voice was kept in a ‘professional’ tone.
“HUH?” I gave him a generous shout into the ear, hoping his ear would burst.
“Listen sir. I do not have much time.”
“The problem is that mister banker, I have the time of the world.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.” The puerile exchange between us continued for a couple of minutes.
“Okay sir, you sure have the time of the world.” he was collecting his chill which was broken into pieces by me, “Sir, I need you to bank in the 2000 dollar into this bank account, 41…”
“Wait. Wait. Lemme get a pen and paper.” I called out to him.
“Go and take it sir. Be fast.”
“Okay.” fagshjkmlh,jgftghsfmkgyshdbuywrgjkdhygfsnfhkdwwawgartuhyrigfy. I rubbed my phone against different surface, just to annoy the shit out of him.
Clak. Clak. “I’m back, okay, pen and paper ready.” my tone was of a five-year-old in kindergarten.
“Okay, listen carefully. Four. One. Three…”
After he finished once, I said, “Pardon. I could not get you, can you be slower?”
“OKay. Four. One.” intermittent mhmms and yeas from me, but I clearly did not write down anything.
“Beg your pardon.” this was the second time, it was understandable. There was the third, then the fourth, the fifth.
He got vexed, “Sir, this is the last time I am going to say this to you.”
“Oh. I just remembered. My area does not have a bank nearby.” I could literally hear he face palmed himself, “So, how can I give you all the money mister banker?”
“Sir, you can go purchase a net worth of 1000 dollars Apple gift card or any kind of gift cards, and bank into my steam account.”
“What in the world mister banker? I don’t understand what you are talking about.”
“Okay sir. Stop wasting my time.” he was getting angry.
“You are wasting your time.”
“No! YOU ARE!” he lost it.
My turn, “STOP SCAMMING PEOPLE. I KNOW YOU ARE FROM INDON SITTING WITH A BUNCH OF YOUR SCAMMERS, THERE YOU GO, I HAVE WASTED ABOUT HALF AN HOUR OF YOUR TIME. THAT MEANS I HAVE SAVED A COUPLE OF PEOPLE FROM YOUR SCAMS.” There were instances where he wanted to cut in, but my voice was raised louder than his, “PLEASE. GIFT CARDS? WHAT THE HELL? AT LEAST SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH.” the line went dead. I smiled into the phone, knowing that I did a good deed indirectly.