Terrible. Terrible.

Physics – A, Maths – B+, Chemistry – B+, General Studies – C+.

CGPA- 3.25 which was under satisfactory. It was very, very low compared to my expectations. However, those expectations were based on my imaginations where the rule of sowing what you reap does not exist. Sad to say, we live in a world where effort counts.

When I got my results for this first semester, I was shocked and feeling almost nothing at the same time. First, I could not comprehend why my Maths got a B, I had never seen this letter before in my result paper for Maths, and it is a disgrace for having this result. Secondly, as expected, my Chemistry got a B+, I was aiming for an A-, perhaps it was me being just careless on the technical part.

General Studies was just as such, I did not have my hopes high for that. But Physics was the only positive and expected result, maybe I put in quite an effort to achieve so. Overall, it was bad.

Backtracking my days in Semester 1, I was really taking my home sweet time, thinking, aiya, no need to work so hard one lah, can score one. Street smart can trump hardwork. NO! This is wrong! I only achieve 25 percent of what I targeted. (Yes, I targeted straight As) I watched too much Youtube, surf too much social media, having virtually no motivation or whatsoever to study.

I felt hollowed, emptied after I received this result. It was as if my life was wiped away in a few black and white. I was taking things too lightly, jesting around at serious times. My hopes just vanished at this very instant. I was empty.

Overconfidence definitely took a toll on my results. I was boasting about how good my Maths was, and I was just bad. I was overconfident. I did not have the context, I am just the half-filled vessel which made the most noise.

I am going to change. I must act the way that I want to change. I must stop Youtube, I must be disciplined and study from time to time. Waging a last minute war with exams is not good or expecting bountiful results where I am unwilling to put in limitless efforts.

I must change, for the better, not for the worst.

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Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

20 thoughts on “Terrible. Terrible.

  1. I understand the disappointment, but sometimes not-a-fail is something to celebrate. As someone said above, your writing shows that you are an intelligent person, and the fact you are willing to acknowledge your procrastination means that you are on the right track. What I learnt from my first year at University is that having subjects that you are truly passionate about often receive better grades (most likely because we put more effort into things we are passionate about). I like to be organised, so I make a lot of lists and plans for what I need to do for the week/month/semester. Keep track of what needs to be done, prioritise study and uni work before other things, but maintain balance. Good luck!

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