Wandering, aimlessly in the pitch black dimension where light was scarce. Drifting, superficially on the baseless reality that we lived in. My thoughts were bulging, wrestling against my conscience about this hollow universe where our basis of living depended on chemical reactions and human reactions.
Darkness had engulfed me fully, only hoping that the void would not exist inside my head. I still can see some light in my mind’s eye, a vague one. Ceasing my thoughts to breach further into questioning the enigma of life and the nothingness encapsulated in it, I let myself open, free from the cluster of life, decluttering my messy head.
Floating in this vast field of imaginative nothingness, darkness and loneliness were my only friends that I could cling on. Hope and faith, perception to reality were just departing long-distant friends that I forget in a flick of a finger when I entered this realm of nothingness.
Grabbing hold to the gosammer thread of living, or rather the thin line of salvation just wreathed around me, not willing to let me go. My will, my inner self locked me down, grounded me to believe that reality, this realm was not worth living anymore. My friends, my family, my experiences would eventually turn to dust.
Grimly, my dreaded self revealed itself in an unfashioned manner, readily to take my pulse away to give it to nothingness. The void that I was trapped in was odious, scary at the same time, it was synonymous to living without a soul but with consciousness, a horrifying insight of literal hell, nothingness portrayed in my mind.
I woke up, but it was still pitch black. Am I too late to turn back? Perhaps. I thoughts. The negativity started to overwhelm me once again. Fighting back with a hopeful thought representing the light at the end of the tunnel, a blunt one, where life is just a challenge, a marathon, a purposeful journey to find a purpose and to discover a purpose for fulfilling your purpose of being a purpose to the world.
Undulating. I understood.
Difficult. I understood.
However, I still regularly succumb to the torments of my relentless thoughts of being one with darkness and nothingness itself, throwing me into a pit of pitch black nadir. I woke up again, on my bed this time, but all the broken relationships, the empty bank account, the hollow friendships, the neglected family, all surged into my head, deluging my thoughts.
I just need to pull myself through. Life is like a Sine graph, it goes up and down, maybe this phase of my life is the lower part of the Sine graph, it will eventually go up.
Right now, I just need to do what I gotta do, do what is needed, to restore my life back into a beautiful mess.