Shambles. I am deluded by my own shallow world, circling around in my own little arc of comfort. Ethereal glow of pride is perceived as the pulsating beat of growth, I am blind, failing to see the real side of life.

Content. I am swimming at my own pace, still in the roundelay of a disrupted tempo, cussing about how bad life is treating me when I do not even put in any effort to make the betterment of everything.

White. I stood bare in the face of whiteness, pure marble white. Staring blankly in the skies of immaculate clarity, I still found no direction, blurried by my own emptiness, blaming everything else for my own hollowness when the empty vessels made the most noise.

Ranting. Unnecessarily superfluous, I could not comprehend why I hated myself so much- why I hated everything around me so much. Why can’t I just cope with everything with the bright side? I am thrown away by myself so much that I have forgotten how to be the better one, the one who cogitates before doing anything.

Blank. I opened myself into the sheer darkness that I wrought upon myself intentionally, unintentionally, instinctively. Splicing the strains of life within me, only to realise I made a grave mistake by meddling with the positive portion of my life that is, was seamlessly interesting.

Helter-skelter.

Messed up.

Aimless.

As older as I get, if I fail to try something new, I feel like this life is rather a plain sheet of nothingness that grows into an insidious, malignant disease- death. Time is relatively short on my side. I have not much time left, hunch.

I need to do more. Exhaust all my effort into doing something meaningful, not just wasting my time in the class room waiting for something magical to happen or just patiently awaiting to be conformed into the norms of life or being overwhelmed by the dreadful thoughts of my own.

What I am doing now is considered a disgrace, a fucking disgrace. I should be doing more than I could or should, not sitting on my sorry as…

Stop.

Stop.

Just stop being so destructive.

You need time to be what you want, be patient with your growth, believe in everything that will turn into your destiny’s favour- His.

Do more. Do not stop.

Craving for more? Down below:
Pandang Ke Timur
Act To Be
Believe In Yourself.
Willing to
Typical Malaysian Family Conversations.
Being at The Top
Lights.

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