Blinded, I could not see the pathway that was laid in front of me. Adrift, as if I was amnesiac, I had lost my way, clueless about where I was heading to. My wings were wearied, my heart was flurried with mixed, convoluted feelings, I could not think nor fly straight, my thoughts were scattered asunder, so as me.
Gravity began to steer me into its designated route, downwards. The wind was pressing on me, heavy. I was too lazy, too tired, simply losing the fundamental will to stay up, to fly, to soar. I just kept plunging down, not knowing- caring less- about diving straight into my demise. Once I landed, there would be no turning back. This is a fact, an undeniable one.
Free falling, the feeling was immeasurable, the excitement was to the brim. I was still oblivious to the cold hard ground that was laying beneath the gap between heaven and earth. Delirious ecstasy filled me copiously. I could not even catch my breath in this. Moving seemed to be more than an effort to pull.
Lighter, gradually weightless. I stared at the trail of feathers that I left behind as bread crumbs to the great skies that would fall to the ground, eventually. My mind was still blank, I decided to shut myself out, I wanted to not put in any effort, letting the wind, the gravity, the everything bringing me to my fall which I would care less.
I was closing in, seconds before impact, I knew very clearly, yet I could not.
Pulling myself together.
No. Stop doing life.
My inner voice was urging me to spread my wings once again. But, I realised my wings were half-torn.
Flapping my wings as hard as possible, I sent a gale of wind, propelling myself from falling flat unto the ground. I kept on, pushing myself above the ground limit. The daunting feeling of succumbing to hardwork found me once more.
I started to peel my feathers off, I just wanted to not live up there anymore. Content, comfort, slacking out. I was nothing more than a piece of faithless creature.
The voices from within were demotivating, killing me slowly, wiping me off the face of earth. Sustaining, reaching back to the heights that were before was difficult, I was in fear of pain, I could not bear the pain of doing more, slightly, ridiculously more.
I was scared to do more, to put in more effort to keep myself flying or to soar even higher. Tuning out to the negativity around me, I was a few inches above the cold hard ground. Silence deluged my head, resonating a resolution into me.
Casting away the demons inside me, I flew higher than ever before.
It was never once, it is a continuous battle.
A near miss, a near hit and a lie.
“Keep flying.” Keep living life. The feathers on my wings were progressively thinner, I was not handling myself well enough.
Incessant. This would never stop, until I live.