A thought struck me as I am looking back at when all of these had started. A year and a half ago, I was working fully with my boss, I never had the time to slack to bother about other things, it was purely work and blogging, nothing in between them.
However, after I stopped work, I entered this dreaded path of Form 6, everything changed in a flick of a finger. My creativity just shut out of nowhere, I could not write as normal as I could, I could not create as much as I did previously. I literally took up the choice of living inside a prison which I myself might not be able to recover after then.
I did not consider the consequences of choosing this path, I still did not understand why I had chosen this route to life. Perhaps this hunch brought me to this state of life. I am lazy, I choose to binge watch Youtube’s worthless content over and over again over books, I pleased myself physically daily, I am nowhere near productive, I am not critical anymore, I am always tired.
Just a few more months, pull this through, and…
“And what? Come out a dead man?”
If you have already chosen your choice, live it through, make sure you learn the most out of it.
“Yes, I learned to hate someone to the bone; to not forgiving someone; to be counter-productive; to adhere to rules; to be lazy; to be irresponsible; to be plain; to… to… lose creativity?”
If you die, make sure it is a splendid one.
“Like fuck, I traded almost two years of my life for a living hell inside my body.” The sore in my soul cannot be undone. “Now, I just need to make sure that this shit kills me entirely.”