Oblivion, I was spiraling deep in the abyss of misleading beliefs of meaninglessness. Climbing out of it was a valiant effort, rather foolish, believing that I could handle this by myself, letting my ego grabbed the wheels of my life for a year or so, steering me way out of track, straying even further away from where I was.
How do you know that you are lost? How sure are you that you are not on the right track after all? Rhetorical. Absurd. I was gradually losing myself, so subtly even I did not realise it, not even my intuition. I was so lost that even myself did not realise so, my concept of God was waning too, blurry.
“You are here, not by chance…” the preacher spoke nonchalantly, those three words struck me like a bolt from the blue. I thought it was a gesture of a coincidence. But, God proved me wrong. “You are here, not by chance…” another preacher mentioned it during a worship concert on the same exact day.
No, it is just a coincidence, just think about it… I shut my thoughts out entirely, I was sick and tired of the same old overthinking me that was reigning over me for a year or so, I just wanted to relish His presence and be re-ignited once more in this encounter. Previous alter calls, prayers and anything along those lines were blurred out by reality that hit me, I failed to process everything into me, I chose me in God’s stead to accept what was happening to me, wreathed about a counterfeit concept of God that was made up by my overthinking mind, to no avail.
I was prayed three times on that day, from three different complete strangers. They spoke to me the same thing, three times, that I was too obstinate to accept it. You have strayed away from God for a long time, please, call him back, Lord. Three times, in order to penetrate the thick obstinacy that was set up by my overthinking mind. Like Peter, those words resonated within me, finally breaking me back into what I was supposed to be.
The moment I realised that I was not only back at the starting point where God had placed me, I too acknowledged that I was a few steps back from it. I did not want to point any fingers at any particular traits that led me into this situation, but it was me who chose to be like this for a year or so.
At least, I got saved, again.
I could go on and on about the encounter, my pain and stress that was overwhelming me recently was completely relieved from me, my mental burden was drastically shrinking, I was getting back on track.
And thank you, Bacon, for inviting me to this encounter with Him. It is enigmatic to have you appearing in my life whenever I need something which I did not even know.
Craving for more? Down below:
Doing It Wrong.
Swaying In Between
On The Spot.
Nanning, Guangxi, China (Day 2)
Stop. Lying. (September Goals)
Sayangi Malaysiaku (Malaysia’s 61st Independence Day Celebration)