What is the purpose of this blog? It is a place for me write, vent and improve my writings, sometimes acting as an avenue for other people to share their thoughts too. However, as time passes by, I eventually forgotten that I write to improve whereas I just write to fulfill my responsibility for the day, I think reality have hit me with the ‘fed-up’ thought into me.
Usually, I write to see what the responds from the community are, but now it is more like a personal space for me vent out my feelings disregarding the language that I am using or whatsoever. I just cared less compared to last time, writing acts more like an escape for me now, no longer a practice ground anymore.
Looking at my motives for my blog now and before is to grow as big as possible, hitting numbers that even I could not imagine. There is a conundrum for my aspiration, it opposes my principles of life which is not to get too over myself again in my own efforts. I do not want to be the past pompous self.
I know clearly that integrity will get me nowhere, no progress or whatsoever for my blog. If I follow the trend of the blogging now, I will not be happy with what I am doing because the main trend now is to write poems (modern ones) and I am not down with writing poems, it just does not suit how I am.
You can argue that I am afraid to get out of my comfort zone to try out something new. No, I am delighted to see the views of my poem post shoot up whereas demotivated when my stories got only half of what my poem perform. I do not want to completely convert into a poem-writing blog just for the sake of views, I want to stay true to my own writings, and keep everything my style.
The line I spurted out just now is the obstinacy of not willing to adapt to the surrounding changes. This is where and how my blog is in this trough of downfall. I am, I just do not know what to really do now, where only I can hope that I will someday get acknowledge somewhere by someone with my consistent writings, and make my way to where I want to be- getting to share my writings to the world.