what am i doing?
what…
what have i been doing
for these years?

it has been so long
since i come back
to my senses
i am still lingering in the past.

this change
is not easy
it is a transition
an awakening

looking back
reflecting
pondering
realising that i have been lost.

i am ten-feet down
into the infinite abyss
swirling uncontrollably
losing control of myself

oblivion
a common state that
i am constantly in

ignorance
simply spelling my name
clearly

laziness
conspicuous
in my bones

i am still that me
that i hated so much
which i did not know

i still could not comprehend why
and how i am so deep
into nothingness.

parting from reality

i think i am nothing

at the brink of insanity

just a little push

but i got a pull instead

falling back into conformity

i started to waste time

i did not fulfill my own goals

i am futile against myself, my temptations

i am feeble

i am weak

STOP!

i can still stare at my phone for hours
without feeling any sense of loss
i can still stare at my phone for hours
without feeling any sense of loss
i can still stare at my phone for hours
until i realise that i cannot be saved anymore
i can still stare at my phone for hours
until the cows come back from grazing the grass
i can still stare at my phone for hours
until i forget that i have a life
i can still stare at my phone for hours
until i am so angry that i gave up on myself
i can still stare at my phone for hours
without needing to get out of my comfort zone
i can still stare at my phone for hours
without any sense of…

me

i am so lost

i am a sheep without a shepherd

God, please, help me.

i am drowing

help me, God, please.

i can still stare at my phone for hours
without moving a muscle
i can still stare at my phone for hours
without even flinching

God, help me.

wake me up

i am shrouded in darkness of temptation

save me.

help

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