catharsis 7

jailed

imprisoned

incarcerated in my head

darkness wreathed around me

my heart is still beating

i am still, breathing

i thought i was long gone

but here i am

seated, strangled

my vision is failing me

darkness is all i perceive

coldness is all i felt

loneliness, alone

singular

“how many times i have to go through this?”

the thought struck me

this is my thousandth, perhaps

the millionth time i faced this

and yet, i am still here.

haih

i can’t get out from here

i don’t want to

although this is hurting me

but this makes me feel comfortable

i want to stay here

stationary 

torture me

impale me

i am just done with moving

.

.

.

pitch black

darkness

i am going to be destroyed again

living, suffering another cycle

my will to fight back

is dead, long ago

i am numb from all of these

God knows

how long this has been going on

i just live

for the sake of living

i am so done

with me

and the world

my failures

my insecurities

my everything

this twisted reality

screw this

.

i know

i know

i know

i know that this is bad

my body wants out

but deep inside me

tiredness

boredom

satisfaction

the tiny part of me

stopped me from doing so

i know

i definitely know

what is going on

“if you really know
why do you still lock yourself up?”

.

my legs quivered as i got up

the shackles rattled against the cold hard ground

i pushed myself forwards

i do not know where i should go

i just know what i should do

an enigmatic surge of energy

springboard me to life

kicking my way to the front

outstretching my arms to pull myself forwards

i kept persisting

i felt like giving up

but this is the time

where giving up is never going to happen

i have had enough with giving up

i am going to pull this through

even if it cost me my last breath

HAHAHA

WHAT A JOKE!

THIS IS THE MILLIONTH TIME YOU SAID THIS

WHAT A FUCKING JOKE!

the voice is not from outside

it is from within

even i could not look up upon me

i am so low

my heart, my soul, my mind

is in the depths of despair

abysmal abyss of nothingness

what a state that i am in

i turned to look at me

bruises, cuts, burns,

feeble

wearied

i kept going.

going.

.

and going

.

charged forward

reaching the bars

my hands touched the bars

that locked me up for so long

“ok, i have enough fun for the day.”

a hollowed hole bored in front of me,

there is nowhere out

i am going to fall

no. no. no. no. no.

NO!

“bye! this is as far as you go.”

“reset this motherfucking son of a bitch.”

*blank*

.

.

.

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