catharsis 008

rolling

rolling

my mind

my body

drained

sucked

this is a loop

i knew it

in my bones

and yet

i still ignore it

those signs

conspicuous

unperturbed

my soul

something is wrong with me

something went wrong somewhere

some

so me.

i need to stop

searching for why

but to look for the panacea

hidden in plain sight

right at an arm’s reach

neither of me

want

have the will to

grasp it

i wander

wander

wander and wonder

what is my purpose?

have i lost my way?

i think so…

not so hard to guess

even after losing myself

a couple million times

those scenes of darkness

replayed in my mind

as an empty tape

nothing was going on

but, a lot were

nothing was seen

but, a lot were

the feelings lingered

a phantom one

.

.

.

.

where.

.

.

am.

.

.

i.

.

.

am i still…
am i still… alive?
what is my purpose
what is my purpose again?
i seemed to have lost everything
and i am sure this is going to happen again
what should i do?

…

Lord, i pray to you,
just as i am
help…
i am not me anymore,
i can’t do this anymore
give me strength
perseverance
endurance
and Your almighty presence
ward off the evil that is hindering me
grant me Your grace
Your mercy
and Your love
i love you, Lord, 

love…
i am so lost, Lord,
i do not know how long
will i still be alive
i might be dead the next second
bearing another identity of me
forgetting me,
my purpose
my life
that You have designated for me

God,
lead me
for i am lost
feed me
for i am hungry
wake me
for i am asleep.

God, help me.

Amen.

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