rolling
rolling
my mind
my body
drained
sucked
this is a loop
i knew it
in my bones
and yet
i still ignore it
those signs
conspicuous
unperturbed
my soul
something is wrong with me
something went wrong somewhere
some
so me.
i need to stop
searching for why
but to look for the panacea
hidden in plain sight
right at an arm’s reach
neither of me
want
have the will to
grasp it
i wander
wander
wander and wonder
what is my purpose?
have i lost my way?
i think so…
not so hard to guess
even after losing myself
a couple million times
those scenes of darkness
replayed in my mind
as an empty tape
nothing was going on
but, a lot were
nothing was seen
but, a lot were
the feelings lingered
a phantom one
.
.
.
.
where.
.
.
am.
.
.
i.
.
.
am i still…
am i still… alive?
what is my purpose
what is my purpose again?
i seemed to have lost everything
and i am sure this is going to happen again
what should i do?
…
Lord, i pray to you,
just as i am
help…
i am not me anymore,
i can’t do this anymore
give me strength
perseverance
endurance
and Your almighty presence
ward off the evil that is hindering me
grant me Your grace
Your mercy
and Your love
i love you, Lord,
love…
i am so lost, Lord,
i do not know how long
will i still be alive
i might be dead the next second
bearing another identity of me
forgetting me,
my purpose
my life
that You have designated for me
God,
lead me
for i am lost
feed me
for i am hungry
wake me
for i am asleep.
God, help me.
Amen.
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