catharsis nine

bring it

i am ready

to face you

depression

reality

i just realised

this year or so

i was spiraling

uncontrollably

into the abysmal

feedback loop from hell

depression

.

paralysed by the cruelty of depression

i was not able to gain full control over myself

i just let myself drift away into nothingness

leaving me with a hollowed life

a meaningless, stale banality

mixing with the people around me

swimming in the toxic surroundings

indubitably deteriorated my conditions

my circumstances were not bright

no one to blame, just me

as i am unable to make the choice

to face them positively

and beaten by reality and depression

i could not make the better choice

to be better, more positive and more.

instead, i just run around in circles

my own comfort zone where

i am comfortable with the pain inflicted

even though i do not have any progress

i was just a sitting duck

waiting to be butchered and sold

to the depths of nothingness

.

acknowledging the enemy is the first part

confronting it is another part

i do not have much time

i need to end this

quick and painless

the searching, the realisation

of being depressed was a long process

and i am highly susceptible to fall back

to square one

like the previous times, millions.

i am fed up of this shit

i want this to go away

once and forever

even if depression comes back

i will face it, like how i will do

.

i have chosen this path

and yet

i chose to be depressed

what a foolish move from me

i am making a fool out of me

but,

i realised

all of these bullshits

will just lead to more bullshits

i need to stop complaining

and start doing something

to brew the panacea

to kick depression in the ass

to bring myself back on track

time is short

my time is

time is never my ally

nor my enemy

time is my catalyst

the only element

that can improve or destroy

me.

Thank God!

my prayers are answered.

God, please do not let me

go back to square one

where i am blinded

i need your light,

Amen.

Craving for more? Down below:
Lost In Japan (Day 4)
catharsis 008
catharsis 7
Lost In Japan (Day 3)
666 catharsis 666
catharsis #5 ?
Lost In Japan (Day 2)