bring it
i am ready
to face you
depression
reality
i just realised
this year or so
i was spiraling
uncontrollably
into the abysmal
feedback loop from hell
depression
.
paralysed by the cruelty of depression
i was not able to gain full control over myself
i just let myself drift away into nothingness
leaving me with a hollowed life
a meaningless, stale banality
mixing with the people around me
swimming in the toxic surroundings
indubitably deteriorated my conditions
my circumstances were not bright
no one to blame, just me
as i am unable to make the choice
to face them positively
and beaten by reality and depression
i could not make the better choice
to be better, more positive and more.
instead, i just run around in circles
my own comfort zone where
i am comfortable with the pain inflicted
even though i do not have any progress
i was just a sitting duck
waiting to be butchered and sold
to the depths of nothingness
.
acknowledging the enemy is the first part
confronting it is another part
i do not have much time
i need to end this
quick and painless
the searching, the realisation
of being depressed was a long process
and i am highly susceptible to fall back
to square one
like the previous times, millions.
i am fed up of this shit
i want this to go away
once and forever
even if depression comes back
i will face it, like how i will do
.
i have chosen this path
and yet
i chose to be depressed
what a foolish move from me
i am making a fool out of me
but,
i realised
all of these bullshits
will just lead to more bullshits
i need to stop complaining
and start doing something
to brew the panacea
to kick depression in the ass
to bring myself back on track
time is short
my time is
time is never my ally
nor my enemy
time is my catalyst
the only element
that can improve or destroy
me.
Thank God!
my prayers are answered.
God, please do not let me
go back to square one
where i am blinded
i need your light,
Amen.
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