interrupted catharsis #13

painsufferingdespairimpairmythoughtsare

painconfusionnoselfcontrolidonotwantto

thisismyheadmessedupasever

icouldnotthinkstraightthisisthesign

thatiamgoingbacktosquareone

atthispointiamconfusedasever

powerlessuselesssenseless

---

i am

defeated

once again

congrats…

i am

back to darkness

again

falling

spiraling

wandering

into the darkest

me.

succumbed

given up

i am losing

myself

my grip

the gossamer hope

shimmering

dimming at the horizon

i am one foot away

from my demise

i can…

---

iamsouselessmylifeismeaninglessitissodark

icantseemyfuturewhatismypurposeagain

whydoihavetogothroughthiswhatdididowrong

myheadisthrobbingwiththoughtsofnothingness

worthlessnessanddepressingsightsofme

darkestmedamnedmeiam

---

tangled

i am lost

stranded

in my thoughts

destructive

.

silence

.

is what is yearned for

.

enough

.

enough is enough

.

i cannot stand me

.

anymore

.

Drip.

My legs are bounded to the cold hard grounds, I am shackled in the chains from beneath. Stillness and silence hit me like a train, I am still unable to recover from the amnesiac roundelay, shoving me into circles of meaninglessness, unworthiness, worthlessness. I lifted my head slightly, skimming the surroundings in intermittent blinks, my brain could not analyse the surroundings, so as my heart.

thump. thump. thump.

Footsteps were prominent from afar, resounding at the cage of my heart, terrifying. I am confused, depressed, locked up. The menacing vulture figure is closing in, it is consistently shape-shifting, I could not make up the reality that is flashing right by me.

Dumbfounded.

Fear snuck into my system

Ejecting me back into my reverie

What…

am I?

Alive?

I need answers.

I do not want to be locked in again

somehow

this is not my first time

nor my thousandth time

neither my millionth time

i am going through this

my brain is…

playing tricks on me

i am

.

going to

.

lose myself

.

again

if

i do not.

me

God, please help me.

Craving for more? Down below:
re: sense one #11
Lost In Japan (Day 5)
Lost In Japan (Last Day)
re: sense two #12
catharsis nine
catharsis 10