the artificial lights

were superficial.

i saw me

glaring blankly

into the pixelated screens

i looked dumb

stupid, idiotic,

as i did nothing

to stop my life

from being taken away

by the social media giants.

cross-legged,

i was still

watching attentively,

paying full attention,

unwavering worshiping

the pixelated screens

my eyes were glued to them.

i cried.

i panicked.

i did nothing.

but just watched instead.

time and time

passed

without me noticing,

coruscating across my mind,

sped through my taste in time,

blurring my senses,

numbing my will to live.

terrified.

i asked God what to do.

“delete.”

i tried reasoning

but i knew

reasoning is futile

because my reasoning is biased

it is not based on my future

but my current status

posting another tweet

watching another Youtube video

only satisfy me, temporarily

physically, mentally.

but if i do something else,

like reading,

managing my blog,

writing calligraphy,

doing Maths,

preparing teaching materials,

i am laying

a route,

better or worse,

at least it is something that i did,

not an action that i did to feed on someone else

i am sick and tired

of giving people my time,

i have had enough,

i want to give myself

me, some more time.

i must be selfish,

i must be ignorant,

i must be able to control me,

i must be able to see the bigger picture,

i must be able to acknowledge the greater good,

i must be able to visualise,

enhance, and be a better me.

since i cannot get a hold of myself,

i need to get rid of the things holding me.

for instance,

the Twitter app in my phone.

*deleted*

the Youtube app in my phone,

*struggling*

God, help me,
Give me the strength
To delete my online time
Spent on Youtube,
Doing jackshit.

Amen.

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