towering concrete jungles,
minute hindrances,
cycling through habits,
indulgence peaking,
i am here,
in the midst
of this, mess.
i just woke up
from the conformity,
i want to break away
from the mass.
not realising
how difficult this is.
tearing away a part
of my flesh
is painful
almost un-do-able.
it is not impossible,
it is just impossible.
fading in and out,
treading upon the thin line
of waking up
and falling back to slumber.
my body is not accustomed
to change,
it yearns for simplicity
in the beauty of not changing,
it wants to be
resting on its laurels.
i do not want,
my mind is yet strong enough,
my mind could not take control
over my body.
so,
my body is in charge
most of the times,
i fail to control myself,
instructing myself to sleep
when i am tired,
i watch Youtube instead,
for three straight hours;
pushing myself to exercise
even when i do not want to,
i watch Youtube instead,
for another period of time;
doing some reading
when i want to be lazy,
i watch Youtube instead.
this is the constant that i have
every single day,
every single hour,
every single second,
the temptation is so strong
that i could not contain myself
i just let myself
roam freely
without any form of discipline
like a wild animal
just not having the control
that only humans have,
civilised humans.
once i take out my books,
my phone will be sucking my hands,
pulling my heart to it.
once i want to do something productive,
my phone will be counter-productive,
tempting me to lift it up,
for just one more time.
i could not help it.
i battle it day and night.
i cannot hide from this.
i have to face it,
the temptation,
the monster inside me,
the demon, me.
i can beat it,
some times.
i can control myself,
some times.
but,
i want out
of this circle of conformity,
the only thing i can do
is to persevere
knowing that
if i kept doing
what i feel
is right,
after deep cogitation,
i will be able to pull this off.
Dear God,
I want to get out of this,
Conformity
Where everyone is
Mingling with my inner demons,
I want to be free
From the temptations
Grant me self-control,
Consistent self-control,
An unstoppable perseverance.
Amen.
Craving for more? Down below:
Fall, Hard. #24
re: sense four #23
define catharsis #22
catharsis reasoning #21
catharsis vision 20#20
re: question #19
re: addicted #18
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