i am hungry,
the hunger inside me,
is craving for, more.
desperation
is lackluster,
i am.
living without hunger
is not human.
being hungry meant
being human.
if i simply forgot
how to be hungry,
just being comfortable,
i could not imagine more
than being stagnant.
this is not what i want,
i do not want to feel content,
although content feels good,
it does not help,
at all.
i do not want to slouch around,
sucking most of everything
from the comfort zone,
it is disgusting,
absolutely.
what i have done for this past year,
is a fucking disgrace,
a bad record,
a dismal.
i have done nothing for the past year,
not being hungry,
not being desperate,
blaming the world,
blaming everyone,
blaming me,
pushing away challenges,
welcoming temptations,
sitting on my laurels,
anything that is not productive,
i have done it all
in this year and a half,
i have achieved
the most unproductive year
of my entire life.
i cannot turn back time
but i am awake,
hopefully,
fully awake,
not falling back into
that deep trance again,
where reality is blurred
by the pixelated world
in our very hands.
this is an on-going war,
if i forget how to be hungry,
i will be annihilated
instantly
without any mercy,
life is never waiting
for people,
life moves on
no matter what.
resonating,
my mind is hungry,
i want more,
i want more control
over myself,
i want more.
i am hungry,
hungry for more.
i am going to put my mind
into the things that i want to,
the choices that i make,
i am going to make sure
that i put in
full effort and not regret.
before i decide,
i must cogitate,
take calculated risk,
and be hungry,
in order to push my limits
breaking my boundaries,
bending my reality.
God, I am awake.
Help me, as in this process
Of staying awake,
And being hungry for
Your love.
Amen.
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