Where shall I start with this? I think I will write as my mind goes, a candor flow of thoughts, letting every single piece of mind leave a mark in this writing.
That is the first thing that come into my mind, without you, I think I am still lost.
Probably the wrong sequence. However, my mind is slowly reverting to the roots of everything where God is my everything and my everything. Nothing comes close to His words, next place is you, readers.
I think I should talk about the state of my blog first, I have monetised my blog recently, so I am ready to go full-force in this blogging that I have started two years or so ago, making this blog the avenue for my writings to be known. Of course, I am not alone in this journey.
Oh. Wait. A hiatus, my family is walking around, I could not reveal my blog to them, and I would not. Switching to different tabs, acting to look at nothing.
Back to this, I am not alone, I have other writers too, Kelvin (@key_to_kye, please do follow his Instagram, he takes absolutely stunning photos), currently still busy- post-degree life, not easy, packed, that is why you will see him back in no time. Another writer, Jean (@Jeanybacon), busy too, busy with exams, but she will be writing soon. I have another friend in my head, I have not asked about this blogging thing, but I will recruit her as one of my blogging partner (whatever you want to call it).
Writers aside, the past 100 posts on my blog mostly (90 percent-ish) has been really, really negative and depressing, I apologise for giving such contents because I did undergo a trough of life, hitting rock bottom of creativity and my life. It was a rough time, but I managed to recover from it, by releasing everything on my blog through a series of catharsis, it helped me out, a lot. I made this a 30-day thing, so the next post would be my last catharsis, I am not going to slump back into this state, ever again, it is abysmal.
The biggest discovery that I attained from this catharsis is that I have wasted one and a half year of my life, looking back when writing this series, I realised that this year is my most unproductive year of my life, the most toxic year of my life. It is because of everything around me, another contributing factor is myself, I was not strong enough to fend off all these negativity. But, after this catharsis, I am able to stand up once again, even if I were to be put into an environment where most of everyone is negative and toxic, I am going to outshine them with positivity by His help.
Since a huge chunk of my life is gone, just like that, flick, I want to make out for the losses that I have. I have asked one of my friends, Ying, to help me out in fixing my productivity per day and my sleeping schedule. It is invigorating to have her to help me out, I am very thankful for her help, she might just save my year from achieving and being nothing.
Probably will write some posts about those things that I have mentioned above, two to three posts to clear things up. It is indeed His plan that let me open my very eyes to see how wretched the state of the world is, what can I learn from the negativity surrounding me, where I must seek in these dreaded times.
Thank God for pulling me through all of these times, this year and a half, although it is wasted from a productive manner, but I learned, a lot. I am not saying that I am grateful that I have this experience, but I am fucking elated to see how fucked up the world is and how fucked up some of the people around me are, resulting in my downfall when I was at my weakest point of life.
Enough of this fucking bullshit. I have had enough. Will write more about this fucking bullshit in the next couple of posts, of how negativity is as contagious as positivity. and many other things that I want to share. It is this place that inhibited my creativity, sucked the very being out of me- a school.
It is only by swearing, only I can describe the magnitude of destruction that this have on my life.
thank u, next.
Hope. Joy.. Feelings cloaked as words.