Mind racing, heart thumping, head pounding in the dead of the night. I promised myself not to take it, again. I just, I could not resist the temptation, my body was craving for it, the fulfilling delirious ecstasy, a dopamine rush. Although I was conscious about what I was doing, but I still did it anyway, I knew it was bad for me.
Knowing was not enough, not doing it was the way to go, I avoided it, wholly. Day by day, I told myself repeatedly, “No!” struggling against the odds that my body signaled my mind, bypassing me completely. I wanted it to stop, but it just felt so good, to breathe in, the delirium, the wondrous high, the castle in the clouds.
I pulled myself but I realised that I was pulling a bull against my feeble self, my energy was surrendered on purpose to the bull, my body wanted that instant gratification, addicted to that burst of chemical reactions, the immediate feeling of escaping reality to fantasy.
As a habit, I got up, having no self-control or whatsoever, walked to the cupboard where the good stuffs were. Opened the packet, furiously taking in whatever that was left. Breathing in life that was powdered on the cold hard table, slumping down into the corner kitchen, swinging my head in circles, falling into that trance that felt incessant.
One was not enough, I got another puff of it, making myself feel on cloud nine.
Another one, and another.
Ten was my number, per day. I wanted to waste my life on it. I knew it was a waste- killing time and counter-productive, but I still wanted to do so. It was just so invigorating, I felt so alive.
Replace the words ‘it’, ‘good stuffs’, ‘packet’ with the word ‘your phone’. You would realise how deep a hole that you have dug for yourself to be in.
Be a part of your life, not a part of your phone.