Time and tide wait for no man, in just a blink of an eye, 14 days had past and I am still the old me at times when my attention slip out of my sight. I have a desire to become better this 2019 but I did not do so for the first few days although my days are more productive most of the time.

I always have the feeling that I could be doing more but I just slumped into a spiral of unproductive events like scrolling through social media, watching Youtube and letting my mind taking a breather by not sleeping. Although my passion and the desire of being productive is back inside my body, but my mind is still reluctant to make the paradigm shift in order to enhance myself to another level.

Crying over wasted time is another period of time being wasted, I have the habit of doing so as I wanted to escape reality periodically, temporarily numbing my senses into nothingness. I feel that in order to keep my passion burning, other elements must come into play, desperation and determination.

Determination is having the crystal clear picture about the dreams I want to achieve inside my head and my heart. Desperation is the drive to make the dreams come true and fueling me to do more than I can. Lacking both of these elements are the attributes that have led me to the pit of nadir.

I know what I need to do everyday but I do not do them properly. For instance, I know I have to sleep around 11 p.m. in order to have enough energy for the next day, but I could not resist the temptation of the phone that was urging me to watch Youtube; I know I have to do some blogging while moving around ever so often, but I just wanted to browse through the social medias on my phone to see whatever that is happening there, although there is nothing new there; I know the stigma of my problem, but I chose not to solve it, only to succumb to my feeble self.

My device has been causing me a lot of distractions and shortcomings.

Think again! I am causing myself a lot of distractions and shortcomings, I can choose not to look or even think about having the application on my phone, I can simply ignore the presence of my phone and focus on doing my stuffs instead. I must take time, rethink, recuperate, spend less time on my phone and focus more on my life as far as I know, my time is never on my side, I will never know will happen next, I must equip myself with my best.

I have spent 19 years lazing around, I feel like it is time to get rid of my addiction for my phone and re-direct myself into the greater good. Although what I need to do is related to my dreams but they are not in my liking, I must do whatever that I can to make sure that I can let my smouldering passion burn along with the time I spent on.

It is time! Zero in, rectify my directions, go for broke for what I want to achieve, do not let myself stop me. The greatest enemy in reality is me, myself and I. If I ever want to achieve par excellence in life, I must surmount, convince and clarify my heart, mind and soul. Reality is just a challenge, I am an obstacle.

Break the chains of my undesirable nuances, bond myself with the greater good ahead by doing what I am supposed to do everyday. Be clear and be sure of what I want instead of otherwise.

Am I desperate enough? No.

Am I desperate enough? No.

Am I desperate enough? Yes. I want to but my body denies me of it. 

Am I desperate enough? Yes… but…

Am I desperate enough? But…

Yes or yes? YES! 

I am the one who is stopping myself, and I am the only one who can set me free. I want to do it. Yes I can!

Craving for more? Down below:
Being Conscious
how far is east is from the west?
Choices And Regrets
Speaking Weight
Full Moon
Wooden Shack
Ma Huateng & Tencent 腾讯 by Leng Hu (Book Review)