Burnt-out is the first word that came into my mind. I have been writing for two years and posted more than 700 writings, and here I am, bitching about how much shit I have not done, how tired I am, how much time I lack, how I am not doing so much. There are many bloggers out there, even though their works are not recognised after putting years of hard work, some of them more than a decade, and yet they still write, writing for the sole purpose of sharing one’s voice.
I sort of lost track of what I am doing with my blog for the past few weeks, it seemed meaningless for me to even write when there is no one reading my works. For a week, I took a brief hiatus on writing, I did not write, at all, for my blog. This was my second time taking a long break, the first was on depression, this one was on re-directing and re-purposing my will to do even more.
Getting back on social media is one of the mistakes that I have made after entering back into the working world. I feel like I cannot resist the temptations of browsing through the platforms. Of course, deleting them is a deterrent but why not learn to control myself and use social media for my better good of connecting with other people.
Another reason to keep on writing and blogging is because this enhances my cognitive ability to focus and concentrate deeply upon a matter. The week that I did not write or the day I did not do any writing, I found myself failing to focus from time to time, and unable to come out with elaborate ‘bigger pictures’ of the future and my plans.
Writing is therapeutic, cathartic and expressive. Even having the thought of quitting writing is foolish, stupid and idiotic. I felt sorry for myself and for me for not being able to persevere. But, nonetheless, I feel like I can do more, once I get over myself and fully gain control over my own actions.
Winning the spiritual battle is winning the actual battle itself.
I just need to make sure that I win the battle going on inside my head, I need to focus more, I need to write more, I need to do more, I need to be more. No pressure, no nothing, it is just my choice to become more productive. I need to win over myself back from the devil which used temptations to reign supreme over my life.
I hereby declare that the devils will not have any control over me anymore.
I declare that I have full control over my actions and I will listen more to my body, if I am tired, I should sleep, if I am wearied, I should pray to you, instinctively.
Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with too many obligations, this is indeed a blessing, I feel like I am living my dream. But, I want to carry out Your plans, not mine. Make me a vessel, make me into whatever You want.
“What do you really want?”
“I want to write, teach, learn and read.”
“Then do it.”
“is there anything about social media and watching videos mentioned in your answer?”