Losing my everything, I was sunk into an endless loop drowning deeper into my loss. I could barely get a hold of myself, even my very breath, all of those were secondary. She left me because of who I was and I decided to escape reality with alcohol.
One drink after another, I finished a decanter of whiskey in a blink of an eye. I was not a drinker, I knew even if I drank, I would not get away from the sadness and melancholy. What I was doing was just temporarily hiding away from reality.
I drank a little too much, I did not know the limits of the human body and finished another decanter of XO. Intoxicated, the word to describe the state of my physical being now, but my mind was crystal clear about the anger that I had against the fact that she left me because of me.
Denial and oblivion set in when I still could not face reality, I did not know where I had done wrong. Which part of me was wrong in this relationship? I thought we were lovebirds chirping orchestrated tunes till the end of time? Why did time do us part?
I did not have any answers to that. Staring blankly into the ceiling in the darkness, another decanter emptied out by me. Vivid images of her coruscated across the eyes of my mind, I could not describe how madly in love we were last time, I could never comprehend how the relationship crumbled down into breadcrumbs of nothingness.
Tears veiled up in my eyes as my mind revealed my accrued effort in tearing down this god-sent relationship. I was so indulgent in my phone where I forgotten about her presence. I did not know how much time I had spent with my phone instead of her.
“Fuck…” I uttered in the silence, breaking down as the thoughts in my mind trailed away. Cocooned at the corner of the kitchen, I had the thought of posting another status on the internet.
What the fuck? I was that desperate in using my phone. I realised it instantaneously that how disgusting a person I was, how I can showcase everything on the internet.
Nonchalantly, I whipped out my phone, letting the faint light glare upon my defeated look. My fingers moved by themselves, thumbing through the pixelated screen, forming sentences that concluded the end of my life. I was in abject submission to the internet, that was why I was left.
Craving for more? Down below:
Like A Child
do or do not, there is no try.
For Me 為我
you are looking at the wrong direction.
nothing more than a choice
“align me, i want to fly.”
dancing with the shadows.