Above is a scene / dead meme from a movie named ‘The Room’ directed by the great Tommy Wiseau. It struck my mind how random this scene came into my mind as I wanted to draft the monthly goal for this month, March.
February is not a month to be reckoned with as I completely wasted the entirety of it, I do not even want to do a recap on how bad I did for the previous month. It sounds like I am avoiding my shit right? Yes, it is a defense mechanism that I have adopted since who knows when.
I just want to say that if I fail to do so for this month, I probably need some time to re-position myself in what I am doing. There is no time! Just in a mere blink, two months coruscated across me without me realising it.
Last month, I said it is time; last year, I said it is time; yesterday, I did not know anymore; today, still the same shit. I want to slip into this comfort zone so much, cuddling tight to whatever that is mollycoddling me.
I have posts in mind. I just do not have the will to write it down. What is the fucking deal of being me? My focus has been dead for several weeks, my goals have been devastated by myself for a few months, I just realised all of these shit that I put myself into.
I am no… I am ready for this.
God. Please. Help me. Nobody except for You can help me through this trying times. I know I am repeating myself, but I know it is only You that can help me. Ingenuity, counterfeit, distracted I am, I plead to God, help me, save me.
I want to get out. This is the little voice that seeped through the major system that is controlling me, the devil is in control… Help. I want You back, I want God back into my life.
Read God’s word.
Exercise on alternate days.
Stop social media.
God, I submit myself to You. In the name of Jesus, release me from the shackles and chains of temptations, set me free into the light of the day. Let me be me again, disciplined and free. I want to live life again, I do not want to end up in that shit cycle that I dwell in for so long, I want to live with You again, in the name of Jesus, give me strength. In the name of Jesus, do not let me kill myself. In the name of Jesus, set me free from my sins. In the name of Jesus, grant me mercy. In the name of Jesus, amazing grace upon me. In the name of Jesus, I love You.
I pray in the name of Jesus,