Time and time had passed me once again, I was standing singularly in the incessant current flow of events, I was dragged by the nose instead of having my own will to go about my life. My shortcoming was the usual fear and laziness of walking on my own, I reckoned that it would be easier to just hop onto the bandwagon of life, going with the flow, living a stable, comfortable, easy life.
I just went on with life. Living with the sole purpose to live. What a dangerous way to live. An idyllic, giddy thought coruscated through my mind.
Darker and darker, I was gradually losing myself into the void and formless nature of the conformity of life; unconsciously and unknowingly, I was probably bamboozled by one of the oldest trick in the book of life; appreciating and accepting, I was staring at the irony of my entire life to no avail.
So much for all the efforts I pulled through… Such a waste… I thought I could be better, I thought. It was all just castle in the air, thin air. I was transforming into this piece of living matter where I was content with whatever that I had in life- friends, achievements, skills and personal growth- my heart wanted no more than what I had at that point in time.
Standing at the apex of my presumptuous perception of my fictitious construct of me, I saw nothing, pitch blank, pure nothingness. Sh… It was too late for me to notice that I fell for life, conforming to the crowd thronging into the direction of directionless where all dreams go to die and seeking solace in earthly things became the ultimatum of life.
Abject submission was the state I was in. I knew nothing more than just doing the things that I do, living life just as it was, not what it was meant to be. Life is never a bed of roses, I did not what I was even doing.
“Just once more, help me.” I pleaded to God, almost a silent scream from within, inaudible to the empty noises around me.
“Jus…” I cried and rolled on the floor, but no tears were shed, not even the pitied ones. I was zealous, overzealous, egoistic of my own me- the fragile concept of life. “help… me…” I did not even utter those words, it was me, the inner me, the only conscious being apart from me.
“Let there be light.” a command. Casting light into the darkness, rekindling the spark inside me, letting my buried voice to be heard again.
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