I was back in the void of nothingness again. This time welcomed with a cry of defeat. I sat there, back at my initial spot, crying myself out, balling my eyes to the void beneath me. The sadness was impending, a premonition, almost. I could not imagine what my head would be like after this. Perhaps I might end up spilling out unintentionally when I was creating a sarcastic remark or during the times when I snapped.
Who knows? I laughed at my own thoughts, considering existing as one of the newest definition of hell.
“There is not enough time, I need to come out with something to break myself free.” the thoughts swayed around my head for a couple of moments and ended up in the trash after awhile as this was my 379th time doing this. I had the same thoughts over and over again. I had tried to undo and redo, forget and do, all sorts of thinking methods to crack this piece but to no avail. I was at wits end. That was exactly what I thought to myself for the 380th time.
My mind scrutinized every detail that I had observed, playing and replaying scenarios in my head like a broken tape. The minutiae observed was not enough to bring down the drug within a foul swipe. I must come up with something better, more direct, with more precision. There must be something missing in this equation, I must figure it out, must.
With time not being a problem, I asked myself this, “Can they actually li…” A light bulb went off in my head.
I began to think of everything and anything from my childhood days.
I began to question the unanswerable questions of humanity.
I began to count more complex numbers.
The maximum number of functions that I could have in my brain was four. I used the fourth one to mark a fullstop to my plan- my one-long-shot to freedom from this drug.
“At least I don’t want to die when being drugged.” I thought to myself under my breath.