My breath was catching with the wind, erratic and breezy. I climbed up, stone by stone, crevices by crevices, finding firm foot-holds to prevent myself falling to my death. The sun was peeking by the horizon, I looked up and caught its carefully spilled glimmer about the russet skies, contouring the clouds with slight redness.
Beads of sweat resumed to drench my head, I quickened my steps as the sun was going to rise in a few minutes. Taking a deep breath to regulate my breathing, I did not want all my effort of hiking at 3 in the morning go to waste. I paced myself faster but surely getting the apex of the mountain.
It was one of my very few hikes, I never liked these outdoor activities, but this was different. I stood singularly at the top of the mountain with my mouth ajar as the morning sun wondrously shed its glory upon the land that I was standing upon.
There was a ledge in front of me. I was compelled to move forward, I wanted to see how high I was. 7 metres from the edge, I was walking forward, my body was still comfortable with my actions. As I approached metre 5, I inadvertently looked what was beneath me, fright gripped me, fear strangled my very soul. Every single fibre of nerve was screaming for me to walk back to safety, adrenaline was gushing through me. One trip of my shoelaces or a jutted object would be enough to give me a trip straight to rock bottom.
I sucked it up, took every step with extreme caution. 2 metres from the edge, one more step. I convinced myself that this was a good idea. another one. Debris was falling off as I took the next step, I decided to stop before gravity took its course. My eyes skimmed the surrounding, taking in whatever grandiose that was cloaked in the early sun-kiss. Nothing else was there except for the beauty and solitude of Mother Nature.
Is that it?
Is this all what life is for?
Being conscious as ever, contemplating about life as I was standing at the edge of death, I crouched and sat down, hoping that it could hold my weight. Hopefully. The very act of sitting was thrilling too, making sure every micro-action that I took would not make me fall. Constant fear was a bitch, it was strangling me to the bone, it was annoying but I wanted to savour this moment where I was treading on the fine line of life and death, being philosophical about how mortal I am.
Time was flowing slowly as the wind sang about how everyone would die someday. I urged myself to sit longer, acknowledging the fact that I am going to die and if I were to die someday, I might as well live the best out of it. But, what in fact is the best?
“What is your legacy?”
I am going to discover an equation that can benefit mankind.
“What do you mean by that?”
Teaching people, helping to solve ‘impossible’ problems, understanding and sharing the incomprehensible.
“What are you doing to realise that?”
Being creative and hardworking. Doing something, consistently, hoping it works.
“Are you sure about that?”
No, I am not sure about what I am doing. At times, I can get swayed away by the menial distractions of life, my phone especially. I do feel bad most of the times. But, in time and time again, feeling bad and blaming the world about everything does not do jack-shit in my situation. I want to take a different approach to this, I want to appreciate the good things that I have done, saying that I have done well, celebrating small things instead of complaining and being negative about anything that I could think about.
I took a deep breath. Realising that about 10 minutes had passed. I got off the spot, getting back to safety safely. As I got back to safety, there was a man holding a DSLR whom I assumed was photographing me silently. “Why are you sitting there?” He patted me, worried that I was about to commit suicide in front of him.
“Enjoying the view.” I pointed around, “it was beautiful.”
Perplexed, he asked to assure, “Is everything okay? How are you feeling?”
“Alive, than ever.”
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My First KL Urban Sketching Experience
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Binge Watching: An Addiction
Kafka on The Shore by Haruki Murakami (Book Review)
Great Teacher Onizuka GTO (Anime Review)