sometimes it is better to do nothing

the world that we are living in seems so unimaginative.
it is so painful to see how things play out,
they always end up the same way,
never playing out. at all.

i am so tired, maybe i don’t even care anymore.
this futile effort of mine,
is never going to be something
that can amaze myself anyhow.

things just never work out,
even if i tried,
even if i did not,
it still pains me.

why try if i kept getting the same old fucking results,
it so fucking tedious,
i am so bored of dealing with this thing,
craving for someone.

although it can mess my mind up,
with overflowing overthinking
and yet,
i still

no one reads this,
no one gives a fuck,
so why bother,
why fucking bother?

i don’t really know what is happening
but i feel almost detached
derailed, deceived, degraded,
almost from life itself.

this is bad

by feeling this much negativity
this phase

it is familiar

vague but true

i feel my heart crack,
really?
i feel numb,
fearful,
lacerated but not bleeding.

maybe i am bleeding
it is just i am too tired to bother
maybe i am bleeding
it is just i am done with giving a shit.

perhaps
i am the one who does not know how to deal with people,
i don’t know,
i’m different.

i know this problem since day one,
but i am doing my best
in search
to the panacea to this all;
in changing
myself.

since it’s the same,
i should stop putting my head into this.
i should stop giving a damn about who’s who.
i really don’t know whether what i’m doing is right or wrong.
i just know that i should give up on things
that seemed too painful for me to put my stakes on.

my feelings objected
in favour to my feelings.

what?

my feelings are not dead,
i am a human still.

i feel numb, not lifelessness.

probably i should stop
overthinking,
thinking,
feeling.

there is really not much about it.

feeling something?
sometimes it is better to do nothing.
but feel the feeling,
let it have a conversation with your soul,
in silence and breath.

i do feel numb,
and tired,
and sad.

what should i do then?

believe
live
and feel.

have a conversation with God.

breathe.

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Hope. Joy. Feelings cloaked as words.

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