the times when i lost control

Relapse, withdrawal, relapse, withdrawal, relapse, withdrawal. This time it is not that different, but totally different from the previous times that I fall into this feedback loop from hell. I went back into the addiction cycle that I gotten rid of years ago, this time was more hellish compared to the previous time. Imagine yourself, […]

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Binge Watching: An Addiction

I am addicted to watching Youtube. It has been more than 3 years since I never left the circle that Youtube created around me, I have been clocking in more than 3 hours of watch-time per day. Youtube videos are my escape points from pressure and reality itself, I never got the chance to realise […]

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i am slacking off.

Waking up to my biological clock, it was around 6 a.m. I picked up my phone, dropped it beside me and fell back into slumber. I had this going on for a couple of weeks, waking up and sleeping back in for an hour or so more. On the bright side, I managed to be […]

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Withdrawal

Mind racing, heart thumping, head pounding in the dead of the night. I promised myself not to take it, again. I just, I could not resist the temptation, my body was craving for it, the fulfilling delirious ecstasy, a dopamine rush. Although I was conscious about what I was doing, but I still did it […]

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Parasitism, Addiction.

Waking up to the chimes of the alarm from your phone, I got up. Without a second thought, I slugged to the other end of the room, took up my phone, shut the alarm. I did not put down my phone, I was attached to it and back to my bed, scrolling through notifications and […]

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re: addicted #18

why. why. my. my. i am back in this state the state where hope and dreams are pixelated. the instantaneous escapes, the immediate gratifications, the almost too real life that is present in front of your very eyes locked in the rectangular box in an unending cycle of refreshing, re-watching, renewing. i am tired. but […]

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Apple Screen Time

Ever since the iOS 12, there was an unsettling thought that was implanted inside me. This is my third week using this feature, it really does make me feel uncomfortable that I am ever conscious about how much time I have spent on my phone doing unproductive things (scrolling through Twitter, watching Youtube) The screen […]

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What Am I Doing?

Procrastination, Laziness, Taking everything for granted. I was still the same old me, Wanting to avoid As many problems As possible, Never wanting to face them, Man to man. I’d rather hide around, Go around, Circumvent… Wrong word, it should be Cowardice, Weak. I just can’t stop Distracting myself From my main objective. Do I […]

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Breaking Free

Designed to impair,
To destroy yourselves,
By yourselves,
With your very own hands.

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